Thoughts and stuff.

I am a messy person. I have an acute tendency to stack up things… blouse after blouse on the closet door, books, newspapers and magazines on the floor next to my bed, empty shopping bags in the back of the wardrobe, mountains of body lotions and tones of facial products, movies I watched once and I thought I’d watch again but I never do, pens that have finished their life circle long ago, pictures of everything I see around me and the list can go on and on. After a good clean-up of my bedroom, things stay neat and orderly for about… a week or two. Then the piles start rising again. I can attribute this on laziness, definitely, but I think it’s more than that. A licensed and fully awarded psychologist could analyse my way of life and determine all kinds of connexions between my messy room and my childhood or adolescence (it’s what shrinks do you know).

So, as I was trying to push aside all the stuff piled up on my desk this morning, I stopped and I took a metal picture of it all. And then I said to myself “think like a shrink”. It didn’t work immediately. But I had a theme for the day, so I gave it some thought. I haven’t reached any major conclusion untill now, 10 hours later. All I can say is that my life as a whole, my personality, my way of reacting in different situations, my way of thinking probably resembles this messy desk at which I’m sitting right now. Ideas, thoughts, problems I need to resolve are all like all the stuff that lay one on top of each other on my desk. They’ve piled up because I can’t deal with them one at a time. I can’t finish a thought because another one pops out immediately, I can’t keep a good idea because I get busy with something else and I bury it with all the others. I have lots of issues I need to solve, with myself and with others around me. Things to be said, thing to be admitted and things to be forgotten. But I keep them all in a huge mumbo-jumbo of feelings and thoughts, which fill up my mind and my soul like all those stuff fill up my desk. I guess when people say “my life is a mess” they’re probably speaking both literally and metaphorically.