Puzzle of thoughts

The world is a puzzle that has missing pieces

Archive for the tag “facts”

Thoughts and stuff.

I am a messy person. I have an acute tendency to stack up things… blouse after blouse on the closet door, books, newspapers and magazines on the floor next to my bed, empty shopping bags in the back of the wardrobe, mountains of body lotions and tones of facial products, movies I watched once and I thought I’d watch again but I never do, pens that have finished their life circle long ago, pictures of everything I see around me and the list can go on and on. After a good clean-up of my bedroom, things stay neat and orderly for about… a week or two. Then the piles start rising again. I can attribute this on laziness, definitely, but I think it’s more than that. A licensed and fully awarded psychologist could analyse my way of life and determine all kinds of connexions between my messy room and my childhood or adolescence (it’s what shrinks do you know).

So, as I was trying to push aside all the stuff piled up on my desk this morning, I stopped and I took a metal picture of it all. And then I said to myself “think like a shrink”. It didn’t work immediately. But I had a theme for the day, so I gave it some thought. I haven’t reached any major conclusion untill now, 10 hours later. All I can say is that my life as a whole, my personality, my way of reacting in different situations, my way of thinking probably resembles this messy desk at which I’m sitting right now. Ideas, thoughts, problems I need to resolve are all like all the stuff that lay one on top of each other on my desk. They’ve piled up because I can’t deal with them one at a time. I can’t finish a thought because another one pops out immediately, I can’t keep a good idea because I get busy with something else and I bury it with all the others. I have lots of issues I need to solve, with myself and with others around me. Things to be said, thing to be admitted and things to be forgotten. But I keep them all in a huge mumbo-jumbo of feelings and thoughts, which fill up my mind and my soul like all those stuff fill up my desk. I guess when people say “my life is a mess” they’re probably speaking both literally and metaphorically.

The flow of thoughts

When you sit in the bath tub for a hour, with the hot water pouring on your back and making your skin red, thoughts tend to unfold and flourish. It’s a kind of mental peace, but not the quiet type. You aren’t focused on one thought in particular, but the flow starts to make sense at some point. Ideas, memories, feelings tend to get  clarification and they start to complete each other. You may get to a point where you realize that you might have gotten something wrong or you may find what was the actual cause of a certain feeling. After another 15 minutes you start making statements. You categorize your life and you discover the actual meaning of stuff. Worse case scenario? You discover that you have nothing to hang on to and that your future is as fragile as a spider web. 

So, what’s left to do, when you get to that point?

Easy. Get out of the bath tub. Or switch to cold water!

Patterns

Go back 6 years. What were you doing today, at this hour, 6 years ago. No, I don’t expect you to remember that. It was just a tricky introduction, just to alert your mind a little, to get those rusty neurons working. Anyway… I do want you to remember how your life was 6 years ago. Were you satisfied with your accomplishments? Did you have any plans for the future? Long term? Short term? Now, jump ahead about three years. Did you, three years ago, accomplish what you had in mind six years ago? Well… You get the picture. What I’m trying to point out here is that life has some patterns that keep showing up. We are not aware of them most of the time. We don’t want to admit that sometimes we make the same choice that got us into trouble.

People have a tendency to stick to the pattern, whether they are aware of it or not. Some of you don’t agree. That’s fine. There are documents to prove you have the right to disagree. But if you search in the vastness if your mind you will find them. Routine may be considered a pattern too. And I’m not talking about that pointless daily routine (get up, brush, comb, keys, office…). That is something you often discover an even do something to get out if it. The routine I am referring to is the big one. You switch jobs, and every time you end up hating the new one. You change girlfriends/boyfriends but you discover that the new partner has the same flaws as the ex. You dream about a new car/house/stereo system but there is always something else that needs your attention and your money. The list goes on. Just try it. Look for them. Scan your life and you’ll find at least one annoying patter that you can’t seem to get out of.

Can we escape them? I’m sure we can. First detect them. Then, come up with a battle plan (you know, with little sketches and lists and whatever helps you divide an conquer). You don’t need to buy all those self-improvement book or psychology studies. Find what what you’ve done so far and just…stop doing it!! I’ve tried it, and it works. I used to spend huge amounts of money on small, useless stuff. Now I only spend money on big, useless stuff.

Are you alive?

There are moments in your life when you stop to analyze your situation, to see where you are, how you stand. The most awful thing you can discover is that you wasted your life big time. You can not recuperate the time you’ve lost. You can not “turn back time” . The song says it, the movies say it, you know it. The first question that should come to your 10% functioning brain is how exactly do you know you’ve wasted your life. Well…there is no good, proper answer to that question. The average man will say that a well spent life is the one that has the basic needs fulfilled. An alright job, a family, picnics with friends once a month, a house with a garden for kids to play in, maybe even a dog. But, that is the average man, the man that has his life planned out since his first kiss. I’m not saying that’s wrong. I have only respect and partial envy for that kind of man. He or she knows what they want and they put the right amount of effort in achieving all those things. You may jump at my throat like a hungry beastie and argue that everyone knows how their life should be, how they want it to turn up and that not everyone succeeds in fulfilling their plans, no matter the amount of effort they put into it. That is also true. But you have not let me finish my introduction.

You know you’ve wasted your life if, when you take the most vivid memory and play it in your head over and over again, it loses it’s meaning and remains just a memory. I think I’ve led you to a confusing pit and now you’re thinking I’m just a person that has a pee for a brain. Let me put it in simpler, shorter sentences.  You had a moment in your past which brought you happiness or sorrow. Recall it. Replay it. Try to visualize it with your eyes wide open (the effect is stronger this way). Remember every detail, every thought you had in that scene. How was the weather? What were you wearing? What were the other people around you wearing? Reproduce the conversation if there was one, the gestures, the reactions (yours especially). Done? How’s your state of mind right now? How’s your pulse? How big is the smile on your face? How about tears? Have they reclaimed their freedom of speech? If not, try another memory, and another.  Our body is supposed to contain a thing called soul. That’s where they say emotions are stored (we all know it’s all in the brain, but let’s not disappoint all the poetic spirits out there). If a man did not exploit the infinite chart if feelings, he has not lived. If you have not felt the horrifying pain that makes you rip your heart (or brain…) out, if you haven’t loved with every inch of your mind and body, if you never felt your heart beat so fast that almost broke your chest open, then, my dear cyber friend, you have not lived. Of course, if you re not 90 years old and prepared for the final stage of living, then you still have a chance to pump some oil into that heart/brain of yours and start living. And lets throw a tiny cliché at the end of this philosophical life lesson: better late than never.

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