Puzzle of thoughts

The world is a puzzle that has missing pieces

Archive for the tag “mind”

Thoughts and stuff.

I am a messy person. I have an acute tendency to stack up things… blouse after blouse on the closet door, books, newspapers and magazines on the floor next to my bed, empty shopping bags in the back of the wardrobe, mountains of body lotions and tones of facial products, movies I watched once and I thought I’d watch again but I never do, pens that have finished their life circle long ago, pictures of everything I see around me and the list can go on and on. After a good clean-up of my bedroom, things stay neat and orderly for about… a week or two. Then the piles start rising again. I can attribute this on laziness, definitely, but I think it’s more than that. A licensed and fully awarded psychologist could analyse my way of life and determine all kinds of connexions between my messy room and my childhood or adolescence (it’s what shrinks do you know).

So, as I was trying to push aside all the stuff piled up on my desk this morning, I stopped and I took a metal picture of it all. And then I said to myself “think like a shrink”. It didn’t work immediately. But I had a theme for the day, so I gave it some thought. I haven’t reached any major conclusion untill now, 10 hours later. All I can say is that my life as a whole, my personality, my way of reacting in different situations, my way of thinking probably resembles this messy desk at which I’m sitting right now. Ideas, thoughts, problems I need to resolve are all like all the stuff that lay one on top of each other on my desk. They’ve piled up because I can’t deal with them one at a time. I can’t finish a thought because another one pops out immediately, I can’t keep a good idea because I get busy with something else and I bury it with all the others. I have lots of issues I need to solve, with myself and with others around me. Things to be said, thing to be admitted and things to be forgotten. But I keep them all in a huge mumbo-jumbo of feelings and thoughts, which fill up my mind and my soul like all those stuff fill up my desk. I guess when people say “my life is a mess” they’re probably speaking both literally and metaphorically.

The flow of thoughts

When you sit in the bath tub for a hour, with the hot water pouring on your back and making your skin red, thoughts tend to unfold and flourish. It’s a kind of mental peace, but not the quiet type. You aren’t focused on one thought in particular, but the flow starts to make sense at some point. Ideas, memories, feelings tend to get  clarification and they start to complete each other. You may get to a point where you realize that you might have gotten something wrong or you may find what was the actual cause of a certain feeling. After another 15 minutes you start making statements. You categorize your life and you discover the actual meaning of stuff. Worse case scenario? You discover that you have nothing to hang on to and that your future is as fragile as a spider web. 

So, what’s left to do, when you get to that point?

Easy. Get out of the bath tub. Or switch to cold water!

Drifting

I like the streets. I like walking. Not too fast, not too slow, just the average pace of  someone who wants to get to one place but she’s not  in a hurry. I enjoy a crowded street as I do an empty, quiet one. I listen to the pace of others, to the sound of cars, to the noises around me and I can do whatever I want with them in my mind. Yes, I like to distort reality sometimes, to create scenarios and all kinds of stories. I try to imagine what people think, what their problems are, where are they going. It may sound as the mind of a child, but it isn’t. It is only the mind of an adult who sometimes pretends to be a child because the world seems a little better when she does. Reality is always wonderful through the eyes of a child, and that’s why some people try to recreate that type of reality when they are all grown up. It is not proof of  immaturity, but proof of a sane mind. You should try it sometimes. Try to let go of the pure, hard facts and let your mind drift. Create scenes based on reality, but go further. The key to save a bad situation is to look for those small things that make you happy. Try to bring a smile on that lady’s face, or to make that salesman’s day better. Just be careful not to get hit by a car.

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